My contribution to the human civilization. I may not be important, nor anything I've done or do, but it is people like me that make a society. These words have meaning in my life and I hope to help contribute to the vast collection of others for the future.
Yesterday someone told me I have good energy. That meant more to me than I ever thought. I'm sitting on the lake shore on this beautiful windy day and even though things in life are crumbling around me I still feel positive and empathic.
This is a post I made to facebook a couple days after Nya, my daughter, died... I am posting it hear because even though i am nothing in sight of the rest of the people on this planet, this was my world and I post it for the future so they know that she was here and when she was here she was absolutely magnificent and beautiful and brilliant and when she died she was missed...
Sunday, 20 September 2009 at 13:46
Paco and I had to rush Nya to an emergency vet clinic in the early morning hours on Thursday, Sep 18th, 2009. Around 1:30am that morning, Paco noticed she was behaving strangely and that she had crawled herself into the bath tub, something she’s never done before. He woke me up from bed because he was very concerned. I knew something was wrong when I had asked her if she “wanted to go outside” and didn’t see any response in her, not even a flinch. She's usually uber-excited, wildly wagging her tail when she hears those words. We checked her gums, which were pale and white and she was having difficulty breathing. According to the internet, these were signs that something was seriously wrong. Around 2:30am, we called the emergency vet clinic on the west side of town and immediately drove her there. The vet told us that she had an acute bloated stomach which had twisted, causing massive internal damage and bleeding. There was nothing we could do; we were not able to save her... At 4:30am, in the loving embraces of both of her daddies, she fell asleep and peacefully passed away…
This all happened so fast and so unexpectedly, the reality of it all hasn't even begun to sink in, yet... I mean, when Paco and I got back from her evening walk around 11:30pm that night, she was so happy and playful… There was no indication that anything was wrong or any proclivity of what was about to happen… We are both, still, really shaken up and are left very sad, angry and confused. She was so young and so full of life… How am I going to live my life without her?
When Nya and Paco finally moved to Madison to live with me a month ago, I was so excited to have our family together again. I felt complete, with a whole new perspective on my relationship and a fresh outlook on my life. But now she's gone, and the wound left in our hearts is one which I don’t believe will ever heal. There are no words to describe the pain and loss both Paco and I are feeling right now, and I don’t imagine there ever could be... She was so very unique and wonderfully special.
One of her most favorite things to do was to chase squirrels up an old oak tree in Tenney Park, in Madison. Around and around that tree she would run, momentarily dashing away to the neighboring trees in a feeble attempt at fooling those squirrels into thinking she had left for good, only to return a few seconds later, thinking she would surprise them all with her silly cleverness… Miss Nya, you lived your life with loyalty, enthusiasm and a spirited personality that lit up a room and made everyone who met you fall in love with you. You were grateful for every little thing we did for you, no matter how small or large. And you rewarded us with your doggy smile, occasional paw to the groin and with the privilege of tossing your favorite toys which you dropped in our laps.
I will miss snuggling with you at night in our bed. I will miss our quiet mornings together. And I will miss the way you greeted me every time I came home from work, like I had been gone for years and years, when in fact it had only been a few hours. Without any words, you changed my life from one of self-misery to one of pure joy. You brought so much happiness to our lives... Your demand for structure and play gave us challenges to face and goals to look forward to. You were the glue the kept our family together, vibrant and full of life. I just can’t believe you are really gone... I love you so much, honey-bunny and I’m going to miss you and remember you until the day I die. More than anything else, I’m going to miss our walks, and the way you perked up your tail whenever I would sing our walking song, “Who’s got the bestest Nya in the world?”… I do.