My contribution to the human civilization. I may not be important, nor anything I've done or do, but it is people like me that make a society. These words have meaning in my life and I hope to help contribute to the vast collection of others for the future.
I believe the human body is too small to contain all the energy that exists in a single soul, consciounes, whatever you want to call it. So that means we are never meant to go through existence here alone. We are meant to find our other parts of ourselves, our partners. If that is insufficient then continues in family, children, reaching backwards and forwards in time. Sometimes chaos or randomness of the universe intervenes and we lose or never meet our partner or lose our children. Human physiology makes us feel pain but it is only temporary. When the body dies we rejoin our whole self and rejoin the whole universe.
Music is nothing but a collection of frequently and different energy eaves of sound that, when they hit the matter of the inner ear are transformed into electrical impulses that the brain interprets as pleasant or not. In the whole of the universe nothing as extraordinary as that moment when the collection of chemicals released affect the emotion of the crature. or is it? What would it be to exist as energy? Energy never dies it is only transformed. This means that my beloved daughter, when her body died, her unique energy signature left the body and rejoined the universal energy which connects all matter, all energy, everything seen and unseen. Though the emotion if loss and suffering keeps me trapped in the moment she died, in a way I never left that vet clinic. Fucking time lines and fuxkkng not able to go back and save her. This universe this eistence sucks fuk it all! She was the best thing that ever happened to me she brought me out of isolation and showed me that I had the ability to be selfless and strong. Now here I sit without her and only her memory. I should take comfort in that she does still exist somewhere outthere and may even have been born into physical form again able to help another creature. I miss her so much though.
This day has been a really emotional day. I've been at my parents farm with my sister and her fiancé a friend from school. They're bailing hay. I forgot how much I missed the smell. My mom gave me my grandmothers lass ring which she said my grandma wanted me to have. It's soo funny that to all of them this is just another weekend on the farm but for me this is an incredibly emotional day. But it's nice to be reminded that I am still part of this family and the only thing keeping me from this is my own stubborn emotions and thoughts. It's nice.